I appreciate everyone’s comments, and though it doesn’t exactly make me happy to learn that other people struggle as much with the maintenance (and the very concept) of friendship as I do, at least I’m in good company!

Jamie has been hearing from me how bad I am at friendships for about ten years now…during which, of course, we’ve done a reasonable job of maintaining a friendship. (I sure do miss the days when I could call her up and get her to go see a show with me or just go hang out at her house when I felt the need for human contact.) And Brad is exactly right that the tricky part is putting effort into keeping friendships going; that’s something I tend to fall down on all the time. Jack, as usual, articulates a lot of what I was trying to say better than I could. And Lauree, even though I haven’t met you in person yet, you strike me as someone who’s naturally fun and full of energy, so I’m surprised but, again, oddly reassured to find that you go through the antisocial phases too.

All of which is to say that you (and others who’ve responded elsewhere) have made me feel much better about the whole issue of friendship—not that I feel any better about my ability to “do” it, but at least I’m not alone.

Lately, I’ve been feeling that I don’t want to spend time with some of my long-term friends anymore at all. Some of my childhood friends or those who don’t “annoy” me I can spend time with, but for the most part I’d rather be alone or find new people to spend my time with…I don’t think any of this is making sense…I’m rambling, but lately I’ve just been in my cocoon at home. Granted, I’ve been working on things at home, but social life? what the hell is that?!

There’s probably not much I can say that offers any insight you don’t already have…I’m not one for cutting friends much slack when I get that (pretty regular) feeling that they don’t get me — though rather than telling ‘em what frustrates me, I usually just let ‘em slip away (which really is a problem for me, because there aren’t that many of ‘em anyway, and while I often don’t mind being alone as I frequently am nowadays, I don’t like it all the time).

I will suggest it’s the rare person who *does* understand how friendship works, and even those who seem that they do probably are making it up. Most folks either don’t think much about about it (therefore taking friendship for granted or not even acknowledging it has any importance), while most others (perhaps including us) are befuddled by it — maybe because we are under a mistaken impression that it’s supposed to work in some certain way. I suspect it’s all probably just pretty organic — for better or worse, it just happens, then either lives or dies or runs some course, maybe only somewhat commesurate to to whatever TLC is applied.

Of course, what I’ve just written sounds pretty organic (as in excremental) to my ear, though the subject has interested me enough in the past that I’ve actually cracked open a book or two on the subject (but never finished them — no answers there, either). So, oh well. I just felt like I needed to respond to your deeply felt words, even if feebly so…