Extremely boring technical note: I spent a truly ridiculous amount of time tonight upgrading my WordPress installation, which was approximately 9,079 generations out of date. The last time I upgraded, it was absurdly simple, but this time, it resulted in disaster, partly because I deleted some of the files before I’d backed them up (an accident caused by my FTP client hiding the “transfers” window, so that I didn’t realize the files weren’t finished downloading), and partly because when I got to the final step, I got a blank page when I clicked on the link to upgrade my database, which (it took me several panic->restore from backup->tear hair out attempts to determine) was caused by Firefox or one of my Firefox plugins not playing nicely with WordPress. It’s now after midnight, and I’ll be getting up in not that many hours, but I wanted to at least start this post.
Because I started something else tonight: the Couch to 5K Program (C25K). I’ve been leading up to it for a few weeks by doing a less organized version of it: I would walk for 25 minutes or so, and at two or three points during the walk when I felt able, I would start running for 1-2 minutes. But now I feel like I’m ready for something a little more structured.
I am starting the program with a ton of disclaimers:
- I’m not designed to be a runner; I’m top-heavy, old, and mildly asthmatic, and I have bad knees*. And to borrow my friend Marie’s great line, I have always had a strict no-running policy.
- I’m starting the program without actually intending to run a 5K. My short-term goal, insofar as I have one, is to be able run a mile without switching to walking. As a bigger goal, I’d like to become someone who runs as her main form of exercise, but that seems like a long shot, honestly.
- I started this program once before, and got pretty far with it. In fact, I ran a mile without switching to walking…once, I think, or maybe twice. And then something distracted me, I quickly fell out of the habit, and here we are. That was a bunch of years ago—can’t remember how many, but at least 5—and in the interim, I have tried and failed to get any exercise habit to stick. I am not, and have really never been, a yo-yo dieter, but I’m a yo-yo exerciser. I don’t love to exercise, but there are forms of exercise that I enjoy…and yet ten months is the longest I’ve stuck to any of them at a stretch before getting distracted and quitting exercise entirely for an equally long stretch.
- For now, I’m running on a treadmill rather than outdoors, despite the beautiful fall weather and the availability of trails, roads, and a track that I think is open to the public nearby. This is partly out of self-consciousness, because I’m embarrassed for people to see me only able to run for 60 seconds at a time; partly out of lack of desire to leave my house once I’ve returned from work, because even if I’m not exactly snuggling with the cats while I’m on the treadmill, at least I’m not actually out of the house; and partly because I’ve been getting through my workouts by watching episodes of the addictive Brit soap opera “Mistresses” on my iPhone while on the treadmill. (I’m already into season 2, which was the final season, so I’m going to have to find something equally addictive and absorbing to carry me through the remaining weeks of the program.) But anyway, I’m treadmill-running, which isn’t even exactly the same as real running. It will have to do for now, though.
But still, I want to do this. I acknowledge that I may quit. I may quit after the first week; hell, I may quit during the first week. I may run the world’s slowest mile if and when I do run one continuously. (When I was younger, I could walk a mile faster than I could run one, and yes, I realize that makes no sense.) I may have to repeat weeks 1 and 2 twelve times each. But I still want to do it.
Why? Yeah, I’m not sure what the answer to that is. It might be that I’ve always admired and envied runners, who seem to get so much more, mentally as well as physically, from their workouts than those of us who do stuff like step aerobics and kickboxing (two forms of exercise that I actually enjoy but don’t have any sort of transcendent relationship with). It’s partly that I’m sick of being fat and out of shape, although I’m being quite sincere when I say that this isn’t about my weight.** But mostly, I think I want to prove to myself that I can do it.
So can I? Well, obviously the jury is still very much out on that. But after being sure that I wasn’t even ready for week 1, day 1 (which is 5 minutes of walking to warm up, then intervals of 60 seconds jogging, 90 seconds walking for 20 minutes), and doing a pre-week 1, day 1 trial on Sunday night (15 minutes of intervals instead of 20), I surprised myself a little bit tonight by doing the whole warmup + 20 minutes and throwing in an extra 5 minutes of walking at the end. And I felt genuinely great afterwards, just as I had on Sunday night, which was the first time that I got any inkling of that “runner’s high” thing that people talk about. (I used to get a similar rush of endorphins back when I was a devoted lap swimmer, but it’s been a long time since I felt that good after exercising.)
Will I make it to Week 1, Day 2 (scheduled for Thursday night)? We’ll see. I hope so, though, and I hope that blogging about it will keep me from quitting as readily as I otherwise might. I’ll try to blog about some other stuff too, to keep this from being, y’know, one of those blogs; I’ve been wanting to revive the blog lately anyway, so that I’ll have a place to write about music again. But I’m going to try using this as a fitness journal too. We’ll see.
*Not as bad as they used to be, it should be noted, but still bad. I have this weird patellar thing that I can never remember the name of, but it sucks. Evidently my quads have gotten stronger over the years, though, because I don’t have nearly as much pain or discomfort as I used to. But I’m probably still not really supposed to run.
**Weight and body image are subjects about which I could write several encyclopedias; I’m certainly not happy with my weight, and you don’t want to know about my body image. But on the other hand, it occurred to me recently that my weight has been stable within about an eight-pound range (except for a stretch the year my mom died when I lost a bunch of weight) throughout my 40s, and though it’s higher than I’d like it to be, at least it’s been heading in the right direction in the latter part of my 40s. I haven’t been making lifestyle changes or anything—that’s far too grandiose a way to put it—but in the past few months I have been thinking more about how I care for my body and what I put in it. I’ve been trying to cut down on processed foods, and I’ve given up aspartame; I’ve cut way down on bread and pasta and cheese. But I still have a raging sweet tooth, so I can’t claim too much virtuousness. Mostly, I’ve been trying to make sure that I eat fresh food, especially vegetables, every single day, and if that hasn’t made much difference in my weight, it has made a big difference in how I feel.
Great post, Amy. It starts with just one step, right? I am in the same place. I’ve been struggling with my weight gain, inactivity, and inability to do anything about it!! I have been walking, but it is not enough. I applaud you. It is a cliche but take it one day at a time.
It does start with one step—I keep telling myself that. I’m just hoping it doesn’t end after two steps!
Lethargy is my default state, and I’m afraid that’s never going to change (particularly as long as my hobbies continue to be knitting, reading, napping, watching TV, and doing other things that don’t involve moving), but I need to make at least a little bit of an effort to fight it.
I need to get back to walking, especially now that the weather is so lovely (and we live in a good area for walkers). It may not seem like enough, Marie, but I think it’s great that you walk all the time. Walking gives you a fundamental level of fitness that a lot of sedentary people just don’t have.
I’m behind you on this. I hope it goes wonderfully, and I hope that after the less wonderful days, you still pull it together enough to continue.
Thanks, Jacquilynne. I’ve been following your progress with great interest, and your posts were part of what inspired me to make this effort again, so needless to say I wish you all the success in the world.