I’m not sure if I’m experiencing a bout of unexpected nostalgia or if I’ve simply entered a time warp in which it is suddenly the late 1970s. This morning, I was browsing my regularly delivered bit of permission-based spam from BBCAmerica, and I noted that they were advertising the DVD of the first season of Butterflies. So I bought it. (Being an inveterate spender of money online, I also noted that DeepDiscountDVD.com had it for about $10 less, so I bought it there, of course. BBCAmerica does pretty good spam e-mails, but their shopping site is limited and kind of ludicrously overpriced.) This comes on the heels of my acquiring the CD reissue of David Johansen’s first solo album (which I finally found at a not-too-ridiculous price, after searching for more than a year), not to mention my previously sort-of-mentioned involuntary and frequent plunges into my past courtesy of the Speedies’ song that’s being used in an HP commercial. I’m starting to wonder if this is all one of those Freaky Friday things where I’ve woken up and turned back into a teenager (in spirit, that is; alas, not in body. If I could wake up and fit into my old 26″ waist Trash and Vaudeville black stovepipe jeans, I’d be happy to accept any accompanying weirdness).
Of course, in some sense, I’ve never totally stopped being a teenager. Not having kids makes it easier to feel that way, and remaining a music fanatic at an age when most people, even those who were huge music fans in their younger years, have long since settled into either indifference or just vague interest in music, also makes it easier to maintain that teen feeling. But these recent things refer back to a very specific part of my teeny years—let’s call it 1979, since that would be about the midpoint of the stuf f in question—and they’re aspects of that time that it never occurred to me to be nostalgic for.
I’m not making sense yet, am I? Okay, let me enumerate just a little:
1. Butterflies was a British TV series that started airing on PBS not long after it first aired in the UK, which was 1978. I actually don’t quite remember what year it was when I started watching it, but I know I was still living at home, so it was pre-1981. (And then I watched it again, the whole series, years and years later when PBS re-ran it, but that would skew my whole point here, so let’s ignore it.)
It was a quirky series, the type of series that a lot of guys I know would have hated then, as teenagers, and would hate now, as ostensible grownups, though it wasn’t exactly a girly series. It was about a family, and especially the parent couple, and a little bit about adultery, and suburban life, I guess—none of which were things that had any relevance to me personally when I first watched it. (Well, okay, I had a family, but my two much older brothers were nothing at all like the late-teen sons on the show.) It starred Geoffrey Palmer, who any USian who’s ever watched a second of British TV would recognize (among many, many other things, he starred in the brilliant series The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin), and Wendy Craig, who most USians probably wouldn’t recognize, which is their loss because she’s such a lovely actress. It was both very funny and absolutely heart-tearing. Ria, the Wendy Craig character, is a generally happy but vaguely restless and dissatisfied suburban wife and mother, and one day, she meets a charming and extremely wealthy man in the park who becomes utterly smitten with her. The show centers around the family’s daily life, with some very funny running jokes and some sensitively handled plots involving the teenage sons, but the temptation of an affair with Leonard, the rich guy, quietly underlies the whole air of the show. It takes over Ria’s inner life, even though her strong moral code (and her essential conventionality, I guess, though the moral stuff is more obvious, and admirable) means she never gives into the temptation of having an affair. (She comes very close at one point and gets cold feet, in one of the more moving episodes.)
The acting was superb, from Geoffrey Palmer’s likeable if slightly irascible overworked dentist husband to Bruce Montague’s ineffably sad and lonely Leonard, and the young men who played the sons were great too. But that doesn’t quite explain why the series affected me the way it did, and I’m not sure I can explain it even now. I will say, though, that even thinking about certain scenes from it (even now, at least 15 years since the last time I saw an episode of it) can make me cry, and on the other hand, remembering some of the running jokes (there were always issues with moving the family’s three or four cars around their small driveway, and the neighbors in their quiet suburban street were always shaking fists at them or staring at them in bewilderment) can still crack me up. Back when I used to write songs, I even wrote one around a line from the show: Leonard is once again trying to persuade Ria to have a tryst with him, and he comments, quite sardonically, that “everyone is doing it these days.” Ria’s response is adamant and startling and memorable: “I am not a product of ‘these days,’” she says. That affected me profoundly, don’t ask me why. (It still does, in fact; I’m having to fight back tears and will have to plead allergies if anyone walks by.)
2. So that was Butterflies, and I have to say I can’t wait for it to show up in the mail (which, knowing DeepDiscountDVD, should be sometime in late October…but hey, they ship for free, so who am I to complain?). (Season 2 isn’t out on DVD yet, but I’m going to preorder it.) The Speedies thing I’m going to have to get back to later, because it will be long and ruminative, providing my @#%& laptop keyboard doesn’t eat it again. So that leaves the first David Johansen record, which I haven’t listened to yet because I’m just a tiny bit afraid that it won’t sound as wonderful to me as it did in 1978. But I’m pretty sure it will. It’s one of those inescapably time-and-place records for me, and I suspect that when I hear it, I’ll be sitting in the armchair in the living room of the apartment I grew up in, gazing out at the beautiful mess of Broadway, maybe sipping an alcohol-and-Tab concoction that I put together after everyone went to bed, feeling the spring breeze coming in through the window. Maybe my first boyfriend, Richard—he who should forever be known as “that shithead”—will be sitting next to me, and my parents will be out of town and we’ll be staying up all night listening to records on my dad’s stereo. It’s one of those records.
One of my claims to…er, something (not fame) is that I saw the New York Dolls when I was a tiny child. Okay, I was 12, just about to turn 13. I put on makeup and glitter and platform shoes and got myself into Max’s Kansas City (“Are you 18?” the door guy asked. “Yes, I’m 18,” I replied in a world-weary tone. “Yeah, you’re 18,” he said, rolling his eyes. But he let me in anyway.) It wasn’t the first show I ever went to, but it was my first nightclub show, and it was a giant thrill. And growing up in NYC at the time, I was lucky enough to be hip enough to read Creem often enough to know and love the New York Dolls. By the time their various former members started playing in new formations, I was a seasoned CBGB and Max’s denizen, and I saw Johnny Thunders more times than I could count, but David Jo sort of disappeared for a while. And then he put out that first solo record. This is a few years before the Buster Poindexter thing, and eons before the Buster Poindexter thing went from being entertaining to being kind of a bad joke. No one knew quite what to expect from that first record (although he played some shows before it came out, and some of the songs were already becoming familiar, like “Funky But Chic”), and I don’t think anyone expected it to be so damn good. It rocked like crazy, baby, but it was also a breakup record (two breakups, really–the Dolls, plus David’s breakup with his longtime girlfriend Cyrinda Foxe), so it had heartbreak and passion and David’s big, surprising voice tearing you right up.
I sometimes think of it as the record that I lost my virginity to, though that’s factually incorrect; there was no music playing when I was actually losing my virginity, but the last record we listened to that night before the sex part was not the David Johansen record but Graham Parker’s Squeezing Out Sparks. But we spent a lot of time listening to music that night (and drinking Canadian Club, and feeling the June breeze coming in off Broadway, and so on), and the David Johansen record was one of our selections. That’s not the only reason it has such meaning for me—it was practically liturgy for me and all of my friends in those last two years of high school—but you have to admit it’s a pretty compelling contribution to my feelings about the record.
Nostalgia isn’t something I’m enormously prone to. Yeah, I love to tell stories about my Twin\Tone days and my following-the-Replacements-around-the-country days, partly because they’re sort of the only things that make me interesting (at least to some people), and partly because I want to tell them while I can still remember them (I’m quite serious about that), and partly just because they’re good stories and happy memories. But after spending a lot of my 20s and even early 30s wishing that it were any other time in my life, I gave up nostalgia somewhere along the line. So many things in my life have gotten steadily better as I’ve aged that nostalgia just doesn’t make that much sense. And maybe that’s why I’m taken aback by this sudden, random resurgence of weird bits of my past. I mean, here I am in 2005, and I really wasn’t particularly expecting to find myself in 1979. And it’s not a bad thing, but it sure as hell is weird.